Daddy please tell me why?

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We rode into town the other day
Just me and my daddy
He said I'd finally reached that age
And I could ride next to him on a horse
That of course was not quite as wide

We heard a crowd of people shouting
And so we stopped to find out why
And there was that man that my dad said he loved
But today there was fear in his eyes

So I said daddy why are they screaming
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why is he dressed in that bright purple robe?
I'll bet that crown hurts him more then he shows
Daddy please can't you do something?
He looks as though he's gonna cry
You said he was stronger then all of those guys
Daddy please tell me why?
Why does everyone want him to die?

Later that day the sky grew cloudy
And daddy said I should go inside
Somehow he knew things would get stormy
Boy was he right
But I could not keep from wondering
If there was something he had to hide
So after he left I had to find out
I was not afraid of getting lost
So I followed the crowds
To a hill where I knew men had been killed
And I heard a voice come from the cross

And it said father why are they screaming?
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why are they casting their lots for my clothes?
This crown of thorns hurts me more then it shows
Father please can't you do something?
I know that you must hear my cry's
I thought I could handle a cross of this size
Father remind me why?
Why does everyone want me to die?
When will I understand why?

My precious son
I hear them screaming
I'm watching the face of the enemy beaming
But soon I will clothe you in robes of my own
Jesus this hurts me much more then you know
But this dark hour
I must do nothing
Though I've heard your unbearable cries
The power in your blood
Destroys all of the lies
Soon you'll see past their unmerciful lies
Look there below
See the child
Trembling by her father's side
Now I can tell you why
She is why you must die

Why-Nicole Nordeman

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Daddy, I know you know what I'm going to say..

but i'm gona say it anyway...

It's coming back again.

I don't know me as much as You know me

that much is true.

So whatever I'm feeling now is not really what I think it is, right Daddy?

You know what this stupid feeling really is and I hope you'll explain it to me soon Dad?

>_<

I don't like this feeling especially when I don't know what he's feeling..

You know what I mean :(

Daddy Daddy, help me.

I think I may have let myself into this but can You get me out?

Please? *puppy dog eyes*

I know you will. You wouls.

You never let me down :)

This feeling, its familiar.

and i've had it tons of times.

So much so that I'm starting to get sick of it.

It all ends the same as well.

I get over 'em like it was nothing.

But this one.. this time.. I want it to be different

can it happened?

I know I've asked you to plan one for me..

I'm 100% positive You already have, even before I asked you.

But question is, is he the one?

I know i'm gona ask myself this question 1000000000000 times again in the future.

*sigh*

help me Daddy

*grins*

I know you would :)

tranquility deep within [: 6:59 AM

Thursday, September 17, 2009

THANK YOU DADDY!!

the phone is finally taken. I feel better :)

Read Cynthia's blog and they went to celebrate TK's bday. I felt left out. Even though its true that I don't feel like going to places like that.. I can't help feeling left out, you know..

It is a good thing that I'm moving away. Or at least that's what we think.

It's all up to You in the end, you know dad? :)

I feel so tired of entertaining them at times. Even when I'm with them, I can feel like an outsider. I don't dress up like them, I've to make an effort to be a part of them.. and I don't think that's what real friends are, right?

I dunno..maybe You want to teach me something from them? I still don't know what is it if You really do.. I know I'm stubborn. I'll try to change. Remind me constantly k? :)

tranquility deep within [: 1:04 AM

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Daddy, he's feeling down.

what should i do?

why am i so emotionally stuck with him?

maybe i let myself fall into this.

but still, he's Your son, my borther.

I just so wanted to make him feel better. Can I?

will You put the words in my mouth? or the words to my fingertips?

please tell me what to tell him. and I'll blog about it yea?

thank you daddy :)

good night!

tranquility deep within [: 6:55 AM

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Studying is not as complicated as working is it dad?

I don't think so either.

Just sit down, concentrate and absorbe.

I always ask you to help me.

Don't get me wrong, you always help

but sometimes it doesn't work and I get fed up.

I usually have problems with the 2nd part of studying.

concentrate.

yeah.

its so hard for me.

I dunno why..

I can do this right daddy?

You'll help me :)

I don't wanna have results like spm.

It was sad.

I want you to work with me this time?

please?

thank you Daddy :)

tranquility deep within [: 2:53 AM

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Dad,

I've never felt so much..want..for this thing

and to know that I am the owner of it

yet can't get it

it hurts

quite a lot.

I'm sorry I love it more then you

I'm sorry.....

****

Just got a call from Kath jie.. feel much better cuz she assured me I'll be getting it soon.

Thank you Dad :)

You always make me feel batter when I'm down.

but i'm still being open minded about this..

won't put too much hope in it. From now on.

Dad, another problem..

I can't stop thinking of him.

that's bad right?

since I don't know him well.

and I'm sure he doesn't feel the same.

I wonder how I can keep on waiting like this.

for the One.

The One you've set for me.

I'll still put my faith in you.

You know the best.

tranquility deep within [: 5:31 AM

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Granddad was admited to hospital yesterday.

High blood pressure I was told.

The normal blood pressure is 120. His pressure went up to 240 the other night.

I didn't realise how bad it was until granddad walked into our house yesterday night.

He looked pale. His footsteps were unsteady.

He had to hold on to the door to walk..

I've never seen ah gong so weak before.

and then I knew it was bad. Real bad.

My granddad is not the religious kind.

He was in fact against the church. The same church his wife, kids and gradkids goes to.

I can say he despise the chruch. Maybe he even despise God.

I dunno.. All I know is he dosen't attend church.

Whenever we prayed as a family, he was nowhere in sight.

I can't help but wonder....

wonder how he manage to stay so normal

dispite being so critically ill..

was God protecting him?

You know, with blood pressure of 240, a person can easily get a stroke.

If granddad had a stroke.. it would be a HUGE problem to our fmaily.

God blessed him.

God protected him.

God still love him.

very much.

Thankyou, Daddy

I love you.

tranquility deep within [: 11:11 PM

Friday, September 4, 2009

Most probably our family will be moving...

and there's this problem about which chruch we will be attending.

You know, I've been rised in a Chinese Methodist church alll my life.

And yesterday, was in the car with mum, she said she wanted to go to a chinese congregation once we moved to the new place.

Me?

I wasn't very pleased with that idea.. I've had a taste of attending an english congregation a handful of times.. and I really like it.

English sermon somehow speaks to me. I can really relate to it better.

Maybe you'd say that I'm just bias.

I prefer English then Mandrin so I say this.

and I can adapt to Mandrin, no problem but because I keep telling myslfe I don't like it..

I end up really not liking it...

Given a choice I'd jump to a English church anytime..

but since my Dad loves my mum so much, he always follows her to which chruch she prefers.

And she always choose a chinese congregation.

so our family always goes to a chinese church wheather I like it or not.

I'm not complaing.. I'd like to think I'm not..

since it doesn't matter what language we worship God in, as long as it's the same God.

I'd like to say I love God enough to not mind this language thing...

But is it really wrong to want to go to a congregation which you feel at ease and know you'd really fit in?

Not that I don't fit in a chinese chruch, but whenever sermons are given in chinese, Biblical names of prophats and names of places just sounds so long and boring..

I wish mandrin would appeal to me.. but it dosen't.

I love english.

I love to worship God in english.

To listen to His words in English.

I'm 19 now. Old enough to choose. Almost an adult..

Can I? :(

tranquility deep within [: 6:49 PM

Thursday, September 3, 2009

This was the first time.

The first time I broke down before the laptop.

The first time I felt so appologetic and thankful at the same time.

The first time I cried after listening to a song.

A song so touching that my tears just streamed down uncontrollably.

The first time I cried so hard I didn't even care if I can breath or not.

but if you share the same faith as me, you'd cry too.

if you understand what this song ment.

The first time I heard the words being sung,

'Why is he dressed in that bright purple robe?
I'll bet that crown hurts him more then he shows
Daddy please can't you do something?
He looks as though he's gonna cry
You said he was stronger then all of those guys
Daddy please tell me why?
Why does everyone want him to die?'

In this song, Jesus said:

'why are they screaming?
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why are they casting their lots for my clothes?
This crown of thorns hurts me more then it shows
Father please can't you do something?
I know that you must hear my cry's
I thought I could handle a cross of this size
Father remind me why?
Why does everyone want me to die?
When will I understand why?'

Why by Nichole Nordeman

it made me cry.

it made me wake up.

the lyrics were like a huge slap on my face.,

I've been such a brat all my life.

I've sinned without thinking twice.

yet, He choose to save me from myself.

He knew I can't do it on my own.

He knew if He was to wait for me to enter paradise on my own..it would be impossible.

He couldn't stand the thought of that.

so much so that He choose to do something.

and He did.

He gave up

His golry

His power

His majesty

His life...

for me.

tears came down even stronger at the end

when God told Jesus:

'Look there below
See the child
Trembling by her father's side
Now I can tell you why
She is why you must die'

Me.

that child was me..

it was you..

it is everyone..

but here,

I'd like to say it was me..

ME.

Me.

I made Him suffer all these..

makes me wonder..

am I that worth it?

Did I let Him down?

if I did..

will he love me again?

I'm so sorry for the things I've done.

Words cannot discribe how sorry I am....

Can I look at your blood stained face

and tell you I'm sorry?

would it be too late?

If I say I love you,

it would not and cannot compare to your love for me

I feel so hopless

The only thing I can do now

Is to serve you.

Serve you with all my heart.

I'll start this Sunday. Sunday School.

I know You've given me the gift to teach children.

and I will not let this gift go to waste.

Thank you, Father

For showing me this beautiful song today.

it was worth every tear.

tranquility deep within [: 7:03 PM